Woke Up This Morning To 6 Cops, A Fire Truck, And An Ambulance At My Door Because A Passing Car Was Concerned About The One Halloween Decoration I Neglected To Take Down source That Time I Modelled For A Clip Art Company At 16 And Ended Up On Dildo Batteries source Accidentally Spilled Coffee

A Bird Flew In My Window, Sh*t On My Laptop, And Decided To Die Right In Front Of Me. How’s Your Day Going? source About To Arrive For An Interview In A New Suit, Realise They Left The Tag On…. source Wife Asked Me To Check If The Chickens Laid Any Eggs. I’m Gonna Say No source Apparently,

So The Person Driving In Front Of Me On The Highway Today Didn’t Close His Toolbox All The Way source My Cousin’s Legs After A Day In The Sun In Ripped Jeans source Got A Sandwich Stuck In Vending Machine. Bought A Drink To Push The Sandwich. Damn source Watched A French Swat Team And This

If someone said to you “a car crashed through my house last night” you’d probably reply “my god that’s awful!” and hope everyone was ok. For the owners of this home, who thankfully weren’t inside at the time of the accident, a car in the living room wasn’t the worst thing that happened. Police were

If you clicked on this post for an LOL, please see yourself out. Stolen drugs is a truly tragic tale and I will treat it as such. Why? Because I have empathy and compassion. They say never judge a drug-dealing hippy until you walk a mile in his Tevas, or at least I think that’s the phrase–I don’t